The conventional option

Not as cool to look at but definitely more sturdy.

Experiment

Looked good for all of 2.5 seconds, then it collapsed. Will have to settle for something more conventional.

I require order

Ugly, but so delicious.

Creepy little thing, the rambutan. Looks like something in a year 6 sex ed class. Probably has a similar texture to something that swims out of a willy too. I dare say it tastes much better.

Beans, beans, good for your heart.

 

Boston Baked Beans (taste.com.au)

Picnic anyone?

Thanks to pictureisunrelated.com

Chubby canary = banana

Costco is not only good for bulk purchase, it is also ideal for people watching, regurgitating and inspiration.

Take the jaundiced canary below. Against Don's better judgement, I took a quick snap of the subject (no flash required due to her sunny getup) so i could properly consider what the hell was going through her mind when she left her/the home that morning. Perhaps she had a fruit salad party to kick on to after? My bet was on her hiding out with the 5kg butter logs in the next aisle and surfacing after hours to have her way with the caramel popcorn and pecans (and very possibly the blue cheese as well). Maybe she just wanted to test her new seamless bra and panty set - no ROI there.

Whatever the reason, she inspired me to bake banana choc-chip muffins and for that, her unsavory fashion sense can be momentarily excused. I can't find a soft version of the recipe so i'll type it up when i get a moment. To die for.

Naked nuts

I usually feel a little awkward dealing with blanched almonds. It's like they're naked. I avert my eyes when tossing them so they don't feel like they're being watched.

This Snow pea, almond & chicken stir-fry worked out quite a treat. Very easy (recipe here). You can't really go wrong with garlic, Chinese five spice, oyster sauce and kacap manis, can you? And the recipe is very pleasing to the eye as well as the tummy.

Asparagus wee, you're killing me.

Within a half-hour of asparagus consumption, some people notice their urine has acquired a very pungent odor, often compared to rotting cabbage,ammonia or rotten eggs.  Thanks wisegeek.com

Brendan didn't like my shoes. Or my toe cleavage.

And the next day, when i had my less dainty GI-Jo outfit on, he had the nerve to tell me i looked butch.

It's hard being a fashion nomad. I get taunted regularly.

I had to bin the Jaffas and Smarties. They were talking to me.

Trolly milestone

Saturday’s Costco visit (visit #5) not only bore us the fine fruits of wholesale berries (6kg/$41), sugar snap peas (1kg/$7.95) and Eye Fillet (5kg/$106), but also a milestone in our bargain-hunting adventures. For the 1^st time ever, we utilized the lower shelf of our supersized trolley. Victory!

Our observations to date have seen this ledge service a number of needs, most frequently screeching, obnoxious (and more often than not obese) children who are outraged that their somewhat reasonable parents have not allowed them to take home a double king-size pack of Nutella. Get over it fatty. The 12-pack of iced doughnuts sitting centimeters above your head will surely be sufficient in making you even less attractive to the opposite sex in the years to come.

Other lower shelves carried several bags of 20kg rice, lifetime supplies of incontinence pads and years worth of 1L Head ‘n’ Shoulders shampoo bottles.

Our lower shelf supported our beloved slab of Coke Zero, which turns out to be far cheaper then buying 1.5L bottles. Well worth banging elbows with some of the less refined Costco regulars.

Fat cows are juicy

We made teriyaki steak the other night.  It was freakin delicious but my lord was there a lot of FAT. We, or rather I spent more time cutting out the chunks of lard then actually eating my meal. Don says the fat bits are what make it so tasty and i should shut my eyes and just savour it. I was so excited by the taste i neglected to take a photo of it. Given that we bought a 5kg log of the stuff last week, i can see it popping up again on the menu shortly.

The recipe had 600gm eye fillet steaks, 2 tbs mirin, 1 tbs dry sherry, 1/4 cup soy sauce and 1 tsp caster sugar. We quickly fried up the steaks ensuring they were still a bit bloody and then shook up all sauce ingredients, threw them into a pan with two chopped up spring onions, waited til it thickened and then threw it over our steak. Yum-O.

These were the cut-off bits

Shank me up, buttercup....

A little belated but this was the result.

Shanks are simmering. Stay tuned.

Own up. Who wazzed and did not flush?

I wonder if it's the same lady who poos and leaves the facility without washing her hands? Now that's dedication to the 'Target 155' campaign. Not so committed to the 'Workplace Hygiene' campaign however.

A penis-snipper for breakfast?

Nana likes to find useful bits and bobs in her cupboards that i can use for my 'contemporary cooking'.

I lost my nose ring. But then I found it.

I was preoccupied with how/where it might have popped out.

Pensive dad was more interested in whether i could breath through the piercing hole if my nostrils had plugs in them.

Coca Cola velcro posters. I like.

http://www.ibelieveinadv.com/2009/11/coca-cola-velcro-posters/

Gosh it sucks being a man with an allergy.

"Although it so freaking hot, I'm afraid to sleep naked because I have a really bad reaction to mosquito bites and i don't want to get a third ball in the case that one munches on my testicali"

Bill's burghul fluffed up my tabouli

The standard supermarket burghul reminds me of dandruff. It's dry and flakey and looks like it needs a vitamin booster. Quinoa is our usual grain of choice but when Don's dad sent us a burghul care package, our picnic lunches changed for the better.

Dad came home early to crack mum's walnuts.

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"

May i blow you away with my 'Spiced pork loin and gyoza with 72 below kiwifruit vodka'? Looks just like the picture (Page 72, 2005/06 The Great Australian Restaurant Guide).

What a good wifey.

The very hungry caterpillar likes my carnivorous plant.

Prick.

Dad likes his carnivorous plants.

I tend to colour match my meals with my outfits.

Dad you crack me up.

My mobile rings.

Dad: Hi Nicole. Is Domus (my bf) there? I have an urgent computer problem.

Nicole: Yes he is. I'll put him on.

Dad: No. Give me your land line. This might take a while and will cost a lot on a mobile.

The land line rings

Dad: Hi Domus. I need your help. I downloaded some software and they say i need to copy the serial number and paste it into the set-up screen. I have managed to copy it but the screen where I need to paste it doesn't have a menu with 'paste' in it. Is there some secret way that you know of whereby I can paste it without having that option available to me in the menu?

Don: Try the control key and 'v'.

Dad: It worked (surprise in voice). Thank-you.
Line goes dead

Monkey like banana.

A toffee apple a day will have the dentist mounting me.

I was once told not to mix my spirits or I'd get really pissed and then feel a touch unwell the next day.I think the same can be said about mixing one's cupcakes. 

After my 3rd flavour last night I was feeling a bit light on my footsies and after my 8th I was red-cordial hyperactive telling Melbourne's top food bloggers about the labia smears saga. I consumed a total of two and 2/3 cupcakes and was happy as Larry but feeling a bit gross after i also downed a 10PM dinner of Penang Fish curry. The Sugadeaux tasting night was delectable. My equal favs would have to be Toffee Apple (pictured), Chocolate Crackle and Caramel Popcorn. My lord it pays to have a cupcaker besty.

I get to eat cupcakes for dinner... And you don't.

Very excited about the Sugadeaux tasting night. I am one of the chosen ones who have cracked an invite to the exclusive event where i'll get to sample a plethora of spanking new flavors. "Toot toot". I am licking my chops already. 20 hours and 20 minutes to go.

Some personalised paper for Finky and Loz's wedding.

So simple yet so very effective. Do i spy Cocoa Spread in there? How inappropriate. I'll introducer her to you all another time.

What a keen sense of colour you have Nickers.

Saturday night's outing required a salad. Not just an ordinary salad. A vegetarian salad. Not so much my forte. I usually sneak some prawn or squid in for good measure but was told a vegetarian would not be so appreciate the effort. This was my offering: Roast beetroot and caramelised walnut salad with goat’s curd, pomegranate and preserved lemon. Although in hindsight i now realise i neglected the lemon. Tut tut.

Care to remove your labia from my seat?

In the same way that a sweaty hand might leave a print on a glass table, a sweaty labia can leave it's mark on the front bend of a public toilet seat. Or rather, my work toilet seat. Repugnant. My astute colleague brought this to my attention on Friday afternoon. How one manages to hike her flaps all the way onto the seat is a mystery to me. Perhaps the animal in question was sizeable and could find nowhere else to rest her weary bits? Whatever the reason, it is wrong wrong wrong and one with such unsavoury habits  should a) at least have had the courtesy to wipe the marks off when she was done and b) be put down. No doubt she didn't wash her hands when she vacated the facility either and her labia juices are now lingering on the door handle for all to embrace.

Where's the coast guard?

Had a flick through my Argentina pics and tripped over this one. Now this lady surely knows what an alfajor or 5 (per day) is.

Orange carrot and walnut muffins. I will make such a good mum.

Score yourself the recipe here

Al-fa-jaw (alfajor)

My Spanish is rubbish so I couldn't pronounce these puppies correctly while I was in Argentina but I loved them nonetheless. Think dulce de leche (sickly sweet evaporated condensed milk) sandwiched with yummy biscuits and coated in chocolate. Mm mm. Probably has the total recommended daily calorie intake in one bite but well worth the indulgence.

Have you met my beaver?

Is this not one of the coolest toys going around? I bought it in NY last year as a gift for a friend but became too attached to it and decided a mug would suffice for her. It's kind of similar to a Magna Doodle. One uses a magnetic stick to move about the tiny pubes until a satisfactory formation has been created. Ingenious.

"These pretzels are making me thirsty".

Herbed pretzels out of my Snowflakes and Schnapps book. 3rd successful recipe. Admittedly they do look like albino turds before they're baked but thankfully the buttery garlic/dill flavour doesn't resemble anything vacating one's rear end.

We are the Digital Folk

Finally, we have our friggin logo. How fabulous is it? This is a stamp version. We're getting offcuts of stock prom printing presses so that each card is unique. Very cool. Agree?

KFC snack box resellers?

Costco you are my savior

~$569 at Myer. $320 at Costco on Grand Final day. Score.

The shank and the noodle clump

Although my noodle clump looked fabulous (Thanks to my $12 setting rings) they tasted like balls. Thankfully the shanks we superb and my 'good wife-ee' status remains.

Sexy accessory AND no more tears

My spanking new onion cutting glasses. No longer do i bawl my eyes out making curries. A fantastic buy for $39.95. Comes in green and pink at Matchbox.

Retarded lilies gone good

Nothing like a sunny Sunday and 3 weeks later, my lilies decided to open up to me.